Why me?

I haven't been thinking a lot recently. Maybe it's because I was sick or other reasons, but today, I went on other people's blog. Especially high school student. I've read one of them. Her blog is also full of rants (which makes me wanna blog right now). She's becoming a senior and she's saying how she've changed during the summer and that she's really looking forward to school. After reading her blog, I've realized that I'm not ready for school yet. 

There's one thing I want to make sure. I'm not saying that everyone's life should be perfect and no one's life is perfect. But my life has never been good. At least I never thought it was. There's loads of shit I have to go through, which I know that everyone has shit too, but I've always thought that mine are so much worst than everyone else. Thinking back how I used to live when I was in Malaysia makes me wanna cry so bad. My life sucks and I know that. There are so many times that I wish to kill myself and start all over. I really want to do it because I can't take this anymore. Everything sucks. Nothing goes well on me. Whenever something happy happens, something bad will come later on. 

And I'm not complaining that ONLY my life sucks and I hate it. I know that out there there are many people whose life aren't perfect either. And I'm sure there are many people that hate their life more than I do. I just don't think I could take so much pressure in one time. I always say I need a break, but honestly, I couldn't. I used to think that everything would be fine, but turns out I was just comforting myself. I don't mean to be rude, but I seriously hate it so much when people tell me that everything will be fine. Don't fucking tell me that when WE know that it's not! It pisses me off even more. I don't wish people lying to me and I don't think anyone wish for that too. I rather you tell me the truth than give me a hope.