Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Am I actually your daughter?

Family problems. Always. The only problem that kills me every single time. It's like, I know that every parents want good for their children, but sometimes you need to think of how your children would feel the way you treated them. You might think it's good for them, when it's actually NOT

My problem with my parents is that they kept controlling me. I know that you love me and you care for me, but let me tell you this. You care too much. You've crossed the line. I've never wanted the both of you to do something big for me, you know? All I wanted was you guys to sit down, relax and listen. Is that so hard to do? Is that so fucking hard to do?! Seriously, just listen to what I'm going to say before you slap/hit me, okay? I'm not trying to be disrespectful and talk back at you, but the thing is, you never listen! Yes, I do want freedom, but obviously not all of it. And also privacy. Don't you fucking tell me that there's no privacy in this family! You don't even realized how much I hate it when you say that. Everyone has privacy. And I'm not asking for a lot of privacy.

I'm not saying that I'm big enough to do whatever I want because obviously I'm not. But you, as a parent, should understand your own daughter on what's she doing. You should know me! I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't go out and come home in the middle of the night. All I want is to relax. ALONE. Don't you fucking get it? Am I your daughter? Please don't put the blame on me because it's not my fault that you don't understand me. You just didn't talk to me. You said I've never talked to you about my problems. You have no idea how I felt at that moment. I was about to freak out and yell at your face that YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!!! Every single time I tried to talk you, when you hear something that we're not supposed to talk about (ex. boys), you'll straight away yell at me and slap me in the face. That's when I hate you the most. Can't you just listen for what I'm trying to say, the problems I have?

I hate it so much when you say that I always play around and I don't concentrate on my studies. Dad, I'm not. You kept saying I'm lying. You don't even trust your own daughter. Do you know how hard I tried in school? Do you know how fucking hard is it to hear my dad say that to me when I'm actually doing good in school? No, you don't. At my first semester, I got a 87.9 average. At my second semester, I got a 93.43 average. At my third semester, I got a fucking 95.5 average. Say it one more time that I'm not doing good in school and I will never EVER talk to you again. You really think that I'm playing around and I could still get a 95.5 average?? Well, whatever you say, dad. Whatever you say. I'm trying so hard in school that I hardly get any sleep! You think that saying goodnight to me at 10pm means I'm going to bed? Hahahaha. You funny, dad. I don't go to bed till 2am. What am I doing again? Oh wait, studying. That's right. 

I'm tired, okay? I'm not a robot that could study 24 hours. I need to relax. I need a break. All I'm asking for is to hang out with my friends at some time. After exams, I do not wish to stay home. You always tell me that study comes first. Yes, I know that, but do you know that I'll go crazy? I hate this! I hate you! Just listen to me for ONCE. That's all I'm asking for.

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